Chapter By Chapter, Life By Life
by Akanesi
Summary: This story contains a series of one-shots. They can be in regards to one particular episode, as I'm working through all of the NCIS series, starting with Season 1, or one-shots that can be placed at any point during a season.
1. Reeled In

**Author's Note: **This is a Kate inner monologue, set after the events of Season 1 - Episode 1: Yankee White.

**Warnings: **hinted Kate/Gibbs, spoilers for 'Yankee White'

* * *

They're mad. They're all mad.

Somehow though, I don't think that's an uncommon view point when it comes to Special Agent Gibbs and his team. I'm not sure why I tried to defend them to my boss; I knew what they were doing was wrong. There was just an air of mystery about them. Ha! That sounds like it's come straight out of a novel, doesn't it? It wasn't all of them mind. Just Gibbs.

He held the quiet air of a man who knew he could talk his way to the top of the pile. Maybe that's what he did to me. There was a sophisticated power about him, other than the air of a bastard. I've always been good at reading people, a skill my training has only increased, and I think the apparent sophistication is a wall he hides behind. I found myself staring into his eyes today. Probably too many times, but it isn't like he's married. I checked his wedding finger.

Why did I do that? It's not like I'm interested in him, is it? But he certainly didn't give me any reason to doubt his interest, though, if it does exist.

"_Are you going to give me a lecture about sleeping with my co-workers?"_

"_No."_

Men like him never leave anything to chance, do they? Because if he wants me, he's all but got me. He reeled me in with the mystery of his team, his confidence, and his daring. He read me, just as I read him, and he knew I would quit. He then trapped me; gave me an offer I couldn't refuse.

I was reeled in. Hook, line, and sinker. And I allowed myself to be.

They're mad. They're all mad. And I'm mad for joining them.


	2. Charm

**Author's Note: **This is a Tony inner monologue, set slightly before the events of Season 1 - Episode 1: Hung Out To Dry.

**Warnings:** very mild Tony-like sexual refrences, spoilers for 'Hung Out To Dry' and Gibbs' rules

* * *

I can tell you, that Caitlin has got one cute butt. I saw her walking to the elevator this morning and man, that girl can swing those hips. I was day dreaming so much I forgot to take my gun off at the security check. That took thirty minutes out of my life that I'll never get back. You'd think, after working here for nearly two years, those jokers would know who I was.

Anyway, back to Special Agent Todd. Gibbs really caught a looker there. I can see quite a relationship being built between me and Kate. If I could just figure out a way of hiding the relationship from Gibbs. Ducky told me about another couple who worked for Gibbs a while back. Truth be told, I could have done without the vivid description of how they were shouted at, stamped on, and fired. Definitely don't let the boss find you breaking rule eleven - no, twelve - if you want to get out alive.

If only Gibbs' ex-wives could call him all the time. He was far too preoccupied with number three today to catch me ogling Kate's arse. It's kinda weird though. I know that Gibbs has had three wives, but he just doesn't seem the type for relationships. Something which is only proven by the three divorces.

I remember my first impression of him as someone who could charm ladies into the bedroom. Not my kind of teeth flashing, take-you-out-to-dinner-afterwards charm though. His is the kind of charm that knocks women off their feet, loves them for a while, and then pays them to go away.

I'm not sure which method Kate would like more. Not that it really matters though. Kate isn't a red-head, and therefore doesn't stand a chance with our oh-so-wise leader.


	3. Frenchies

**Author's Note: **This a scene from Ducky's POV, detailing the time mentioned in "Seadog" when Ducky pushed a French police officer off of a cliff.

**Warnings: **Spoilers for "Seadog"

**Other: **I am in no way saying that real French people would behave like this. I have nothing against the French, and all views given in this piece are the views of the characters' and not my own. Just thought I'd better say that. :)

* * *

"You absolute idiot!" I stormed out from behind the Frenchman's car, fuming. Who trained these people nowadays? I'm a medical examiner, but even I know that if you disturb a body the crime scene becomes compromised.

"Duck! Hey, Duck!"

I looked back, pausing half way through my climb up the grassy hill that leads to the body, as well as a very long cliff drop. "What is it, Jethro?"

"What have you done to the local LEOs? I found one back there…" Jethro indicated down the hill. "He was almost in tears."

In any other time and place I would have smirked at that, just as Jethro was doing now, but this was neither the time nor the place for frivolities, as I made clear with my next words. "That… officer is a disgrace to his uniform, Jethro!"

Jethro's smile slowly faded, and he glanced back down at the car. "Messed with your crime scene, huh?"

"Yes." I nodded. "I mean…" I started to walk again, hauling myself up the last ten metres or so. "Look at this." I indicated the body, laid on its back, arms and legs splayed.

Jethro crouched down. "Looks to me like he tried to administer CPR, Duck."

I was about to reply when another voice spoke from behind us. "Yes, that was what I was doing."

The owner of the voice appeared alongside me and I realised with disgust that this was the officer I had spoken with earlier. "You think you can use that as an excuse, do you? You think you can tell me 'oh, I was trying to save his life', and everything will be all right, will it?"

I could tell he was struggling to understand my rambled English, and was about to fault him on that as well when he replied. "I try to save him. What is wrong with this?" He glanced at Jethro, who was still crouched next to the body, looking on with barely contained amusement.

"What's wrong!? What's wrong is that he was quite obviously dead long before you found him. You told Special Agent Gibbs that…" I held out my hand behind me and found a small notebook placed in it, which I opened. "That the man had 'no pulse', 'heart beat', or 'any other signs of life'. So what…" I shoved the notebook back at Jethro. "What made it seem like a good idea to disturb my crime scene, tamper with evidence, and not call me at once?" I took a step towards the officer.

"Well, sir, I thought it best if man was dead before calling."

"Did nothing I say just get through?" I was onto full blown shouting by this time, and the officer looked quite scared as I took another step forward, and prodded him in the chest.

"I check he dead first, sir."

"Arh!" The incompetence was unbelievable. Never in all my years as a medical examiner had I ever encountered such stupidity and total disregard for the important rules, the rules that, if broken, could potentially stop us from finding a murderer. I was so angry I steeped forward and shoved this impertinent officer away from me. I was barely able to register Jethro's shouting. "Careful, Duck!" before something grabbed me by the collar and hauled me backwards.

I turned to Jethro. "What? It's not like I pushed him…" Jethro pointed. "…hard."

I could now see the edge of the cliff. Too close for comfort, even after Jethro had pulled me away from it. It was certainly too close for comfort for the officer.

Jethro turned to me, accusing, just as I began to think of some excuses I might be able to use. "What was that, Duck? What if he couldn't swim?"

"Oh, Jethro." I turned, making my way back past the body. "This is France. You should know they can all swim here."


	4. Hand Slapping Range

**Author's Note: **This is a Tony inner monologue, set after the events of "The Immortals", on the subject of his time in Porto Rico.

**Warnings: **spoilers for "The Immortals"

**Other: **Sorry this is so short. I've done two for Tony now, and the guy just doesn't have a lot to say.

* * *

I always wanted to go to Porto Rico, ever since I was a kid. And older boy at school spent a summer there and came back with stories about "two" piece bikinis, drinks that could make you pass out from one sip, and girls with the bodies of angels.

I had wanted to see if he was telling the truth since then. And I wasn't one bit disappointed. The boss wasn't there so I kicked back and relaxed, sipping otherworldly drinks, and getting three and half phone numbers. The fourth girl's boyfriend came along when she was half way through writing out her number, so I had to get lost sharpish.

The Spanish girl in the navy shop reminded me of a girl I once had. Not that the girl I had was Spanish, seductive, or easy. I just made the throwing-clothes-in-my-face connection and made a point of staying out of hand slapping range all the time I was interviewing her. I was probably safe though… once she realised I only wanted information in exchange for not arresting her, and not sex.


	5. Baseball Bat

**Author's Note: **This a scene from Gibbs' POV, detailing the time mentioned in "The Curse" when Ducky stitched up Jethro after his wife (can't remember which one) hit him over the head with a baseball bat.

**Warnings: **one mention of blood, spoilers for "The Curse" and later episodes which feature the discovery of Gibbs' first wife, Shannon.

* * *

"Ow!" I hissed between gritted teeth.

"Oh, stop being such a baby." Ducky moved in front of me, wiping away the blood covering my forehead. "You've had a lot worse than this."

"Thanks for the sympathy!"

"Oh, Jethro…" Ducky smiled. "You know I'm always on your side when it comes to wives."

"Soon to be ex." I tried to life a hand to my injured head, only to find it clamped down to my side.

"No touching." Ducky waved a finger at me, before moving off. "You know…" He returned, bandages in hand. "You should never rush into divorce decisions."

I stared at him disbelievingly. "She hit me with a baseball bat, Duck."

"Maybe she thought you were a robber?" I met his half-question, half-hopeful-statement with raised eyebrows. "No," Ducky sighed. "I didn't think that either."

As Ducky returned the bandages to their place I wondered how I could have messed this up again. After Shannon the first woman I met was destined to be the rebound. And not, as it turned out, just the rebound fuck, but the rebound marriage, the rebound divorce, and the rebound give-me-all-your-money. But this marriage was meant to be real. I had really wanted it to stick. I had just wanted to be happy.

I looked up as I felt a hand on my arm. Ducky was there, just as he always was, smiling sympathetically. It wasn't the kind of sympathy I couldn't stand either. It was the kind of sympathy that said 'I know everything's shit for you right now. I'm not going to insult you by trying to make it better because we both know I can't. I'm just going to be here and help you get through this.'

"My couch?"

I nodded. "Thanks, Duck."


	6. Running Away

**Author's Note: **An inner monologue of Petty Officer Niles, the man who in helped catch Chief Petty Officer Reyes in "High Seas"

**Warnings: **remembered forced drug-use, spoilers for "High Seas"

* * *

Even after two weeks had passed I still couldn't believe that Reyes was giving us meth, and that we didn't know. It just seemed… unnatural, like I was going to wake up any second to Reyes shouting at me to get moving, and to Wilkes, pushing himself harder and harder, the same as we all did, just to please our Chief.

Six years have passed since that day. Two weeks was the mark where I decided I didn't have to believe something if the world had already decided it was going to happen. So I went home. But the hugs and laughter I got from my family didn't really get through. I'd been on that ship for ten months, putting my life in the hands of my ship mates and Reyes. _They_ were my family.

What I couldn't get my head around was the fact I betrayed him. I went up to him knowing full well what I was doing. Orders be damned! I shouldn't have done it. It doesn't matter that he was giving me meth, He was just helping me to do my job. I should have found some way to warn him they knew. If he had just known they were coming for him… he might have been able to make up a story, get away. It doesn't matter what he did. Nothing was worth the price he paid.

Yesterday I visited Leavenworth. I asked to see him. I watched as he was led out in chains. His name soiled from hero to criminal, all because of one mistake.

I couldn't see him then. He was always a strong man, and I didn't want him to see me cry. I wanted him to be proud of me.

So I turned and ran. The one thing Chief Petty Officer Reyes can never do.


	7. Overdue

**Author's Note: **A conversation between Gibbs and Tony, set after the events of "Sub Rosa".

**Warnings:** spoilers for "Sub Rosa", hinted Gibbs/Kate

* * *

Tony yawned. The words were all starting to blend together across the page. He wondered how McGee was doing. Poor, sweet, innocent, newbie McGee, who was, at this very second, being thrown to the wolves. Or at least, the forensic scientist, Abby-type equivalent of wolves. Possibly vampires.

And no _way_ did the green boy actually get a tattoo on his butt. Maybe on his arm? Hard to believe that McGee wouldn't burst into tears merely at the sight of a needle though, let alone one near the most important objects in a man's life. Though, if McGee was brave enough, Tony could well believe that 'Mom' would be a popular choice.

"Hey, DiNozzo?"

Tony could just make out the voice. Something was covering his face, and his right arm ached.

"DiNozzo!"

"Huh?" Tony shot upright from his position slouched in his chair, the book he had been reading falling from his face to the floor. He looked up. "Boss?"

Gibbs was sitting at his desk, coffee in hand. "I thought people only fell asleep with books over their heads in movies."

"Mmph." Tony tried to bend down to retrieve his book, misjudged the distance, and toppled out of his chair. Rolling over, he waited. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Gibbs' head appeared over the top of his desk.

"DiNozzo… what are you doing?"

"I'm…" Tony succeeded, on the second attempt, to pull himself back into his chair. "…gearing up, boss." He reached for his back pack, stopping short when he realised that, instead of turning away with an exasperated sight, Gibbs was still staring at him. "If, of course… you want me to?"

Gibbs shook his head, turning away. "Go home, DiNozzo."

Tony frowned. "Huh?"

"It's 2am, Tony." Gibbs tapped his watch. "Go home. Get your body clock right."

"Oh." After checking his watch to make sure Gibbs wasn't kidding, Tony shot out of his seat, grabbing his bag and coming to stand in front of Gibbs' desk.

"What are you waiting for? A biscuit?"

"No, boss." Tony looked a little taken aback. "I thought, as it's coming up to a month and a half…"

Gibbs shook his head. "What?"

"Kate, boss. You usually ask me what I think about them when they've been here a month. Aren't you doing that… again?"

"Since when was it your choice who I hire?"

Tony looked momentarily lost, before smiling suddenly. "Oh, I get it. You don't want to ask me what I think of her on the off chance that I might say something bad about her, and then you'd have to get rid of her. Right?" The smile remained.

Gibbs stared up at him. "No, DiNozzo. But I am interested in how you reached that conclusion. Unless, of course, you're hiding from the fact I forgot or didn't bother to ask you because it would damage your self esteem."

Tony's smile had faded by this time, but the amusement still danced in his eyes. "Well… it's obvious that you like her…"

Gibbs was half way out of his chair, and Tony was half way to the elevator.


	8. Manipulation

**Author's Note: **This is a Gibbs' inner monologue, set after the events of "Minimum Security"

**Warnings:** spoilers for "Minimum Security" and later episodes which feature the discovery of Jenny and Gibbs' relationship

* * *

Tony was always so easy to manipulate, right from day one. That was how I got him into this job: manipulation. He was completely happy at Baltimore PD, hanging out with people he could so easily become. But I saw that 'thing' in him. The 'thing' I look for in all possible recruits. I dared him he wouldn't be able to cut it at NCIS, and by the time he figured out I'd made the choice for him, the paper work was signed and he was under my command.

Kate used almost that same technique on him today when she "suggested" he go sit with Paula. I doubt Kate's ever been married, as if she had been, she would have left well enough alone like I did. I know that Tony's not going to build a meaningful relationship with another agent, probably from the rules drilled into him by me, and the stories I made sure Ducky told him about Rita and Ben, two former employees who made the mistake of falling in love on my watch.

So I knew nothing was going to come of it. Paula obviously had the rules down too, and if the woman has the rules, the man will always get hurt. I'm speaking from experience.

I'm not in the business of pushing the agents under my command into getting their hearts broken. My old boss did that to me and Jen, and look how that ended.


	9. A Hole In The Plans

**Author's Note: **A conversation between Tony and Kate, following the events of "Marine Down".

**Warnings: **spoilers for "Marine Down", light sexual references

* * *

Kate clicked her pen for what seemed like the millionth time, and threw it down into her desk. "I'm bored, Tony."

"Oh?" Tony set down the magazine he'd been reading and leaned forward. "Are there any extra-curricular activities I could interest you in?" He continued as Kate shot him a withering look. "What? You didn't expect me to let that slide, did you?"

"No," Kate replied, as Tony swung himself out of his seat. "I forgot you had the sexual age of a 17 year old."

Tony chuckled, leaning against the side of Kate's desk. "Well… don't let the bossman hear you're bored."

"Why?"

"Kate…" Tony suddenly became serious. "You've wielded a gun this week, you've had your life threatened by a man who will suck out all your blood, _and_ narrowly dodged a grenade." He smiled. "If Gibbs hears you complaining he'll stick your arse straight in the filing line."

"Speaking from experience, Tony?"

"Oh yes! First week here… I got shot at… the works. I complain to thin air. For the next month I'm playing lackey to the boys down in IT."

Kate laughed, before suddenly straightening her face. Tony's smile froze a second before a hand came down sharply on the back of his head. He coughed, "Thank you, boss," before turning back to his desk.

Gibbs paused to retrieve a file from his desk and to throw away an empty coffee cup, before moving off again. Tony turned to stare accusingly at Kate.

"What?" Kate shrugged, reaching for her phone as it started ringing. "It's not my fault you're too afraid of Gibbs to say no to him." She turned her attention to the phone. "Hello."

Tony was half way through denying that he was afraid of Gibbs when Kate held up her hand, signalling for him to be quiet. "No, I'm sorry. I--"

"Where were you?" came down the phone line. "I waited in that restaurant for two hours!"

"I--"

"No!" I can't believe this!" Even Tony could hear the man on the other end of the phone by now, and was grinning. "And don't you dare tell me 'you forgot'. I saw you put the time, place, _and _my number into your PDA."

"I…" Kate reached for the place where she usually kept her PDA. Not finding it, she turned, accusing glare at the ready, to Tony, before she remembered yesterday on the firing range, and sank her head onto her desk, letting out an exasperated sob, and allowing the phone to fall to the floor.


	10. Another Guy

**Author's Note:** This a scene detailing the time mentioned in "Left For Dead" when Tony stayed at Gibbs' house for the first time.

**Warnings:** spoilers for "Left For Dead", hinted Gibbs/Tony (but only if you squint)

* * *

"Urh." Gibbs held a hand over his nose, still using the other to try and push open his front door. He never kept it locked. He pushed on the door again, putting his all his weight behind it, and felt it give a little.

Stepping back, he took a deep breath, before raising his boot and kicking in his own door, pulling his weapon from its holster.

As he stepped through the broken remains of his door, he could see that the hall table had been pulled across the door knob.

"DiNozzo!"

There was a noise from behind him. When he spun around, weapon up, he saw a young women, no more than twenty-five, standing in the doorway to his living room. She only had a bra and panties on.

"Well, hi." She spoke with a deep Texan drawl, smiling as Gibbs lowered his weapon. "You one of those guys who likes to role play?"

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"I--" The woman suddenly turned back to the living room and smiled. "You didn't tell me we'd be getting visitors, Tony." The look Gibbs gave Tony as Tony emerged from the kitchen, wearing nothing but a towel, probably would have killed Tony if Tony hadn't dropped the ice cream he'd been carrying and ducked behind the mystery woman.

The woman looked from Tony to Gibbs. "Role play it is then." As Gibbs turned away, assured in the knowledge that Tony would be out of his house in record time, the woman continued. "Though, Tony, you should tell me if I have to double up. I only charge extra if the guy wants to watch me get in with another lady, not if you want me to watch you and another guy."


	11. Crabby World

**Author's Note: **A inner monologue from the POV of the crab that Ducky and Gerald found in the body bag in "Eye Spy".

**Warnings: **spoilers for "Eye Spy"

**Other:** I'm not sure what species the crab is, but just imagine it's a rare and endangered kind, okay? :)

* * *

I'm not sure quite what happened today. All I usually get on my part of the beach are sunbathers and sailors. And since summer has passed, I see hardly anyone anymore.

But today was different. I was just admiring one of the female sailors when one of the human's strange contraptions drove up. Their funny, forward way of walking apparently isn't fast enough for their tastes, and a few of my family have disappeared beneath their dark, circular shapes.

I saw a man and a woman arguing, and crept closer. Sometimes, you see, the humans give me parts of their food, and I have a large family to feed.

Only, they didn't give me anything. The woman ran off after the man lay down. The humans usually sunbathe with fewer clothes on, I know. Their clothes contain food and, when they leave them in their bags, I go on a foraging mission. I didn't really see any difference in whether the clothes were on the person or not though, so I crawled inside.

A little while later, when my search had proved fruitless, I reemerged, only to find a number of other humans gathered around the body. I've seen this beaches' fair share of drunken humans, and others usually come and take them home, but this was different. They just stood there, before rushing around the human who was laying down, but never touching him, and one of them had a shallow swim. When they finally came to help, they didn't pick the man up; instead they put him in a bag and me along with him.

It was dark for a long while after that and I found I had to move, to try and find some sort of light. I found the edge of the bag and began to push it upwards. A few seconds later light flooded into my world again.

I found myself faced with two humans, one of which picked me up and placed me in a box with high walls. I tried to catch him with claws, as that makes most inquisitive humans release me, but couldn't.

I was kept in the box for a long time, but then one of the humans that found me returned. He picked up the box and took me with him. He spoke to me. He told me I had been very helpful, and that he was taking me home. He told me what a rare creature I was, and that I should take care of myself.

When he took me out of the box, I realised I was back on my beach. I didn't try to catch his fingers this time but, when he placed me on the sand, still scuttled off, to watch this strange human who talked from behind a rock.

He remained there, box in hand, for a long time, watching the sun set and the sea roar. As he left he spoke one more time.

"I won't tell them you're here, my dear little crab."


	12. Not A Stereotype

**Author's Note: **A Gibbs' inner monologue, set after the events of "My Other Left Foot".

**Warnings: **spoilers for "My Other Left Foot"

**Other: **There is another 'Nikki' mentioned during the tv series. She is a NCIS Agent. The Nikki mentioned below is _not_ that Nikki.

* * *

How is it, it's always the females on your team that make the big thing out of you flirting with suspects? Take Kate today. If I'd taken Tony with me I would have got a 'congratulations', some jibes about me just having met ex-wife number 4, and some unneeded advice. With Kate I get questions and disapproving looks.

I miss Nikki. She was the woman I had on the team before DiNozzo's time. She was the only person who've I ever had under my command, to my knowledge, that was gay. Probably she wasn't the only one, but because of the 'don't ask, don't tell' rule, everyone else was too sacred off losing their jobs.

Not Nikki though.

I found out after it had become quite obvious that she had flirted with a gay female suspect in order to give me time to go through the suspect's purse. I joked about it with her afterwards, probably saying something along the lines of what DiNozzo would come out with now if Kate told him she like women. Nikki could have laughed it off and I wouldn't have thought of it twice, but she didn't want to deny who she was, especially not if asked outright.

So she told me. Unbelievably, she was the first gay friend I'd ever had, but it wasn't how I'd always thought friendships like that worked. I remember her cornering me two weeks after she told me, asking if it was going to be a problem, because I'd been acting 'weird'. When I told her what I'd been expecting she laughed, and called me an idiot. She then became one of the few people I stayed in touch with once they moved on.

So yeah, Nikki never was disapproving or jealous when I flirted with a suspect. But neither was she a stereotype. She was a brilliant humansbegin, and a fantastic investigator, who understood both men and women.

Kate has most of that, but she can't read or understand the way men work, even if it was to save her life.

God, I miss Nikki.


	13. Aliens

**Author's Note: **This is a conversation between Tony and Kate, taking place at any point during seasons 1 and 2. This one-shot isn't affiliated with any particular episode.

**Warnings: **mentions of underage sex

**Other: **As well as all the episode one-shots I've done, I've also written a load of one-shots that can be added in at any point during a season. I'm going to start posting these one-shots in here as well. Hope you like!

**Anonymous Review Reply:** To emruth, thanks for the review, but I'm pretty sure the 'don't ask, don't tell' rule applies to all military and non-military personnel employed by the US government. I could be wrong, but the rule, in actuality, isn't strictly enforced, so is more likely to be used for non-military personnel than not.

* * *

"Hmm." Click. Click. Click. "Ha!" Click. Click. Click. "Ooh." Click. Click. Click. "Arh!" Click. Click. Click. "What?"

"Tony!" Kate finally did what she'd wanted to do ever since Tony had started playing that computer game, and screamed at him.

A surprised face appeared over the top of his monitor. "Why… are you howling at me, Agent Todd?"

Kate took a deep breath. "Just stop being so loud and I _might_ consider not telling Gibbs you've got that game on your computer."

"How am I making noise?" Click. Click. Click.

"That!" Kate shot up from her seat. "Where did you learn to type? Keyboard hatersville?"

"Haha." Tony faked laughing, before frowning suddenly. "I'll do you one better, you know."

"Oh." Kate shook her head. "I just know I'm going to regret this."

"Yes, you do." Tony grinned. "But come here anyway. I want to trade information."

Kate raised her eyebrows, running through possibility after possibility. "What do you mean?"

Tony shrugged. "You ask me a question. I ask you a question."

Kate walked slowly over to Tony's desk. "All right. I go first."

Tony leaned back in his chair, smiled, and slid his hands behind his head. "Shoot."

"What age did you first have sex at?"

"Wow!" Tony raised his eyebrows. "I'm impressed. How long have you been trying to muster up the courage to ask me that?"

"Is that your return question?"

"No… though it's certainly a question with a thousand answers." Tony paused. "Do you mean with myself or someone else?"

"Tony!" Kate grimaced.

"Okay. Okay." Tony leaned back in his chair, seemingly thinking. "14."

"Really?" Kate leaned against Tony's desk. "Who with?"

"Uh-uh-uh." Tony waved a finger at her. "It's my turn."

Kate swallowed, gearing herself up for whatever rude and inappropriate question Tony was going to ask. Instead though, Tony merely twisted his computer screen towards her. On it was shown a large, discoloured alien head. The eyes were a dark purple, there was no mouth or nose, and the ears were flat and shrimp like.

Then came Tony's question: "Why do all telepathic aliens seem to have ears?"


	14. Way Too Close

**Author's Note: **This is an inner monologue from the POV of Gunnery Sergeant Alvarez, the Marine recruitment officer who was shot in the opening scene of "One Shot, One Kill".

**Warnings: **spoilers for "One Shot, One Kill".

**Other:** This is the longest piece I've written so far, and I worked quite hard on it. So any comments are doubly appreciated.

* * *

"_Truth is most Marines don't see combat. I mean, look at me. Been in the corp. sixteen years."_

I see a slight flash out of the corner of my eye. I automatically turn my eyes towards the street, but see nothing but cars and people. Probably a motorist who forgot his lights were on. I return my attention to the two boys sitting across from me.

"_Closest I've ever come to a bullet is…"_

{begin flashback}

"What the hell do you call that, cadet?"

Alvarez straightened, pulling his weary body off the shooting range rest, turning to his instructor as more shouting was directed his way.

"You think that'll cut it when you're in battle? You think the enemy are going to let you get in a second shot?"

"No, sir." Alvarez was exhausted. The instructor had released the other cadets an hour ago, but had kept him here until he could get a satisfactory score.

"You can hit the hanging targets with an accuracy most cadets could only dream of. But when you get onto the human mounted targets… you can't hit the broad side of a barn! What is wrong with you, cadet?"

Alvarez kept his eyes focused on his shoes. He forced his hands to relax, and to control his anger.

"I'll tell you what's wrong with you." The instructor didn't even give him a chance to speak. "You, cadet… are a coward."

Each word was pronounced with venom, and Alvarez's head shot up. "I'm not, sir."

"Yeah?" The instructor asked. "You have excellent marksmanship. Too good for anyone on the higher up to even consider discharge because you're not combat ready. But when it comes to human targets… I've seen enough cowards over the years to know when someone's deliberately bringing down their scores so they don't have to go into combat. You want us to think you're not able to shoot living human beings. Well, let me tell you something, kid. Everyone is capable of killing. You think you're going to ask the enemy to let you go when you're backed up against the wall? No… you're going to kill him. And you still think you can get out of this, do you?"

Alvarez was viewing the instructor with barely concealed anger. "You have no clue what I can do!"

"So show me!"

The instructor shoved the gun back into Alvarez's hands, and pointed down the shooting range.

Alvarez took a deep breath, and turned towards the targets. The ringed targets passed by at alternating speeds. He hit every single one, at varying points. There was a short break in the movements and then came the targets again, but this time they were mounted on human bodies. They were only paper but that didn't stop the faces appearing on them, and the voices coming.

_Why did you do __it?_

_Why run away? Why not stay? Why not help?_

_What happened? Who did what?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Why didn't you come home on the bus that day, instead of walking?_

_She told you not to walk home alone, didn't she?_

_You disobeyed her._

_Why did you do it?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Alvarez jogged down his road. The bus had been late and he hadn't wanted to wait. It was his sixteenth birthday tomorrow and he wanted to pick out something nice to wear for his party._

_He hummed as he made his way up the path to his house, bag already hanging from his hand. The door was ajar but there was nothing wrong about that. There was no crime in this neighbourhood. Dean didn't like the fact that Alvarez's mother kept the door open, but that was the one thing that his mum was strict about. Alvarez was glad about that. He'd be forever losing the keys otherwise._

_He pushed the door fully open, leaving his bag behind it, and headed towards the kitchen, still humming._

_Why did you do it?_

_What was the point of trying to deny it?_

_What was the point of pretending you were strong enough?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Do you still hear the screams?  
__  
Even though you never really heard them in the first place._

_Or did you? Did you hear her and just chose to ignore her?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Why did you do it?_

_It was too warm in the kitchen. Alvarez shrugged off his jacket, throwing it over the counter top. He reached into the open top fridge, retrieving an orange juice._

_He opened it and took a long drink, before crossing the tiles of the kitchen and entering the living room, eyes closed and still humming._

_Why did you do it?_

_You still remember every detail, don't you?_

_You think of all the things you could have done differently._

_That might just have saved her._

_Why did you do it?_

_Why didn't you call her name?_

_Why didn't you check where she was before getting a drink?_

_Why didn't you ever tell her you loved her enough?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Eyes still closed, Alvarez tripped over something lying in the middle of the carpet. Swearing, he rolled over, praying it wasn't one of Dean's antiques… again._

_Why did you do it?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_WHY?_

_The sight made Alvarez's breath catch in his throat. He threw himself across the floor, juice forgotten, pulling at his mum's body._

"_Mum!"_

_She was a dead weight as he rolled her over._

"_Mum!"_

_He saw the blood covering her chest._

"_Mum!"_

_Her eyes were open. She wasn't breathing._

_Mum?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Why didn't you try to help her?_

_She could have been saved, you know?_

_If you'd been faster, smarter, better._

_Why did you do it?_

_Why weren't you strong enough?_

_Why didn't you do something?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Why did you do it?_

_Alvarez tore his eyes away from the body - no, mum - on the floor. He could see the gun, lying no more than two feet away. No. More. Than. Two. Feet. Away._

_Why did you do it?_

_He reached out and picked it up. It was hard and black._

_Why did you do it?_

_He lifted his head as he heard a creak from upstairs._

_Why did you do it?_

_Dean._

_Dean!_

_He rose, lifting his body like it wasn't his own. Moving swiftly towards the stairs._

_Why did you do it?_

The voices were all blending together.

Dean. _Why did you do it? Why did you shoot me? Without even asking me what the blood on my shirt meant? I might not have killed her, you know? You might have killed an innocent person._

His mum. _Why did you do it? Why did you walk home? Why did you disobey me? Why were you always so imperfect? Why weren't you strong enough? You never _were _good enough. You were the problem, you know? Me and Dean were happy, but you were always going to be there. You're the reason I'm dead._

_Why couldn't you save me?_

{end flashback}

"_Closest I've ever come to a bullet is…"_

Way too close.

**Bang.**


End file.
